Howdy all,
I just finished this story and I would love to get your honest feedback on it before I start sending it to publishers. It would work well in the 2-6'ish year old category. One of the best ways to see if you like it is to give it a 'test spin' and read it to your kids. You can also download the story and print it since it's pretty difficult to read books to children from a computer. Happy reading!
Elizabeth’s Favorites
By Brian Hodson
Every morning when the sun goes down it’s time for Elizabeth to wake up. She throws open her window and shouts, “Good morning squirrels! Good morning bees! Good morning beavers, ducks and fish! It’s a wonderful day to be a bat!” And every morning the squirrels, bees, beavers, ducks and fish say “Good night Elizabeth!” as they go home to get ready for bed.
Elizabeth is nocturnal; that’s what animals are called when they are awake when the sun is down and sleep when it’s light outside. Elizabeth puts on her favorite polka-bug-dotted dress and flies downstairs for breakfast. She grabs her favorite cereal, Fruity Bug O’s, from the shelf and pours herself a bowl careful not to let any fly away. Elizabeth’s mom makes her some toast and spreads loganberry jelly on it, Elizabeth’s favorite. She eats the last bit of cereal and licks the jelly from her fingers as she puts on her backpack to go to school.
If you were to ask Elizabeth what her most favorite class is at school, she would tell you that she has three; sonars, bugology and recess, because it’s OK to have more than one favorite. When the bell rings it means that school is finished for the day. Elizabeth’s mom meets her in front of the school to fly home together. This is one of Elizabeth favorite times because this is when Elizabeth gets to tell her mom about all the things she did in school that day; just the two of them, without being interrupted by her little brother.
When Elizabeth gets home she plays her favorite game with her friends, soccer. They can play at night because nocturnal animals have special ways of seeing in the dark. Elizabeth even scored a goal!
When the game is over it is time to fly home for dinner. Elizabeth smells something delicious. It was her dad grilling his famous bug kabobs with French flies. Elizabeth favorite bugs are the red ones with yellow stripes. Yum!
Elizabeth’s favorite day of the week is Monday, because after dinner, Elizabeth and her family have Family Night. They spend time together, talk about what everyone is doing, play a game and have a treat. This week it’s Elizabeth turn to choose what game they are going to play. Elizabeth chooses her favorite game, Hungry Hungry Bats.
The sun is getting ready to come up which means it time for Elizabeth to get ready for bed. Elizabeth takes a bubble bath, brushes her fangs and gets into her favorite pajamas.
Just before bedtime Elizabeth throws open her window and shouts “Goodnight squirrels! Goodnight bees! Goodnight beavers, ducks and fish! It was a wonderful day to be a bat!” And every evening the squirrels, bees, beavers, ducks and fish all say “Good morning Elizabeth!”, as they get ready for another day. Elizabeth’s dad reads her a bedtime story and tucks her into bed. Goodnight Elizabeth.
3 comments:
I loved the beginning and end of the story, it's a bookend. It's a structure that I talk to my kindergartners about and ask them to try (at a less advanced level). I also liked this part: And every morning the squirrels, bees, beavers, ducks and fish say “Good night Elizabeth!” as they go home to get ready for bed.
It was then that it dawned on me that Elizabeth was noctural and most 4 years know about that, and even if they don't it's a great discussion piece. So I was let down that you explained it. As a teacher I need those pieces in stories to discuss inferring. Hopefully I haven't offended you.
I really enjoyed the story, I like how it is cyclical, that it gives consistency to the life of Elizabeth. I think kids thrive on it, and you give a great story about it. I like that this book teaches a subject (bats) in a very fun and funny way. I loved your play on words... as a father who reads alot of books, it's great to use those play on words to interact with my kids and it makes it more enjoyable for me to read them as well, especially when I do it over and over and over.
Some things that might be useful feedback would be a couple of things:
1) You mention that her favorite game is football and then you mention that her favorite game is something different a bit later. You might want to switch some wording around so it might not be as confusing for a kid.
2) I agree with the idea that noctornal might not need to be defined, though you might want to throw something about staying up all night is what bats like to do while most of her animal friends are fast asleep.... i don't know, you're the author, perhaps I'm way off!
3) I think you should introduce Father bat somehow and make his name RD. :)
4) Seriously though, is there a father bat or siblings? Is there a particular reason why Mom is more in the book? Not really a criticism, just curious as to how those points impact the story.
Awesome book my friend! I'll have to read it to my kids as well and see what they think. Thanks for being willing to put your work out there for all to see!
Erin, I was offended and only cried the first few hours of the morning, but your husband comforted me in my time of need :)...are you kidding, I loved your feedback and very much appreciate it. I hear that you had more comments and I would love to hear them, since you have a special teacher perspective. Shoot me an email if you'd like at booksbybrian@gmail.com.
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